This week and part of the next I am on vacation. What does that mean for you? It means I’m not going to be talking about writing. At all.
Instead I’m just going to try to have fun here. Maybe I’ll even skip a day or something. We’ll have to wait and see.
For now, please enjoy my commentary on a few of the most unusual search terms which have led people to my blog:
Is there cockroaches in spaghetti sauce?
You had better believe there is. Crushed up and dried over several years, cockroaches are the secret ingredient in all the best spaghetti sauces. This was not always the case. Up until 1947 no one had ever considered placing cockroaches in spaghetti sauce. Then, one fateful day, Curt Schumwick of Providence Rhode Island in an attempt to murder his mother-in-law ground up the cockroaches that had died behind his fridge and put them into the spaghetti sauce when she was not looking. And the rest is history.
Unfortunately many people’s prejudice against these incredibly tasty and nutritious animals has forced food companies to refer to these wonderful little critters as “carrot fiber” in their list of ingredients so be on the lookout for that.
I’m not evil. I’m angle.
They make pills for that now. Or so I’ve been told.
Dinosaur flavoured noodles
Holy crap, there are dinosaur flavoured noodles out there? Don’t even try to tell me they aren’t. The cat is out of the bag y’all, and he’s running straight for the dinosaur flavoured noodles. Because if there is one thing cats love it is the scrumptious taste of dinosaur. If your cat food isn’t dinosaur flavoured, your cat isn’t getting the very best he deserves and neither are you.
I am not having fun
And you found my blog with this search? Dude, now I’m just depressed.
Come to think of it, maybe I should write some “How to Have Fun” posts. Everyone talks about how to do other things like write and take pictures and fit in socially and stuff. Maybe someone needs to start talking about having fun.
It would seem like that would be a higher priority for most people.
Beans can make us feel fulfillment
Oh, you know that’s right. I had beans at my mom’s house the other day, and I was feeling all kinds of fulfillment. I had so much fulfillment that I went into fulfillment overload and had to vent some of my fulfillment right out into the atmosphere for the rest of the world to enjoy. Because I’m just that kind of awesome.
Writing sexy song ideas
I’ve got nothing. Every time I try to chat up a sexy song idea I get the evil eye and she moves to the other side of the room. It’s really doing a number on my self-esteem.
What was the theme song of the Union Balloon Corps?
Wait they had a theme song? Are you serious? Thaddeus S. C. Lowe actually had his own soundtrack? The are no words for how awesome that is.
I only have one question: was it a sexy song?
Green bean art
Okay now you’re just reading my mind. I thought green bean art was a completely original idea. I had it all planned out. I was going to take the art world by a storm. I was going to be the gardening version of Banksy.
Unfortunately the problem with doing vegetable art is that the medium doesn’t last very long. Half-way through The Green Bean Mona Lisa my beans started to rot at which point the sculpture turned into The Green Bean Zombie Mona Lisa.
It was, all in all, a happy accident.
My money is still on the cockroach
As is mine, good sir. As is mine.
Determination: it just takes a little hard work and a lot of ammunition
This is my new motto. That is all.
LOL Gotta love these search terms.
Here are some from my blog:
“people want me bacon button”
“the hen looked at me with evil in its eyes”
“does stish smell”
This spag sauce thing. You are to expect a lot of contact from people that have lots of vowels in their names .
Roaches in Spaghetti sauce. What does the guy want to do? Gross his mother-in-law to death?
Haha. These just kept on getting better and better.
Oh Albert, you made my morning with these. Just completely busted up. I’ve had a few odd search terms too, but these take the cake.