The Parable of the Super-Duper Quarter

Once upon a time in a reality plane far far away, there was a planet which was inhabited entirely by quarters. The quarters lived a happy but uneventful life until one day when they spotted an alien space ship in the skies. The space ship landed and alien scientists came out of it.

“Oh dear,” the quarters cried. “Have you come to probe us and infect us with your larvae?”

“You are all quarters,” said the alien scientists. “We do not even know how that would work.”

“Then what do you plan to do with us?” asked the quarters.

“We are going to flip you all and observe the results,” said the alien scientists. “But do not worry. No harm will come to you.”

The quarters were very happy to hear that the aliens would not hurt them and many of the quarter had always secretly longed to be flipped, so they happily queued up outside the flying saucer and waited for the the aliens to do their experiments.

Sometimes the quarters landed with their heads up, and sometimes they landed with their heads down. The alien scientists all made careful notes each time a quarter was flipped. But then after many, many thousands of quarters had been flipped many many times, something strange happened. One of the quarters went in to be flipped and he landed with his head facing up every single time.

When the other quarters heard the news they were all astonished. Clearly any quarter that could land with his head up on every flip must indeed be a super duper quarter. From far and wide the other quarters came to see the super duper quarter. Newspaper stories were written about him, and he was interviewed on late night talk shows for quarter TV stations.

The other quarters asked the super duper quarter what his secret was. They wanted to know how they could land heads up every time too.

“It’s very simple,” said the super duper quarter. “I eat 47 pounds of avocados every morning for breakfast. No one else I know eats so many avocados. This is the secret to my success.”

Soon the quarters were all clamoring for avocados and the quarters who were avocado farmers got very rich.

But it made no difference. Sometimes the quarters who had eaten avocados landed heads up and sometimes they landed heads down.

When the alien scientists finished their research they told the quarter people they would be leaving in the morning, but when the quarters all went to bed the alien scientists snuck into their houses and took them all and put them in a big bag. Then the alien scientists loaded the big bag onto their flying saucer and took off. When they got back to their home world they used all the quarters to buy soft drinks, and they drank all the soft drinks in one go. The soft drinks gave the alien scientists a stomachache and subsequently their entire race died out in a bizzare accident involving rubber bands and pancakes.

The quarters lived inside of the soft drink machine while the alien civilization crumbled outside. They were very thankful for their new home and they praised the super duper quarter for bringing them into such good fortune. They were so grateful that they  made the super duper quarter their king.

All the quarters lived happily ever after. Except for the super duper quarter, who rather missed his avocados.

The End

Moral: Too many soft drinks may not be very good for your health.

Moral the Second: Everything is better with avocados.

Moral the Third: Alien scientists are generally not to be trusted.

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9 responses to “The Parable of the Super-Duper Quarter

  1. I love avocados!

    Great story, it’s very original.

  2. You’re nuts. In a good way, of course.

  3. Sounds like Washington, Al….

  4. I cannot say that I’ve ever read a story about quarters and alien scientists prior to this post. Thanks for a laugh over my tea break this morning.

  5. This is great. 🙂

  6. Rubber bands? Pancakes? Sequel? 🙂

  7. Swell story. Sincerely. There’s one thing I didn’t understand. Were the quarters put in a big plastic ziplock bag or was it like one of those canvas reusable shopping bags?

    Vern (I brought the comb.)

  8. The quarters probably nickeled and dimed the aliens until they left.

  9. Don’t trust those aliens! lol

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