π out of e Doctors Agree

If you’ve been trolling for writing advice for any length of time, you’ve no doubt heard of the butt-in-chair approach to writing productivity. If you haven’t heard basically the advice runs thusly:

First you need a butt. Any size will do. Many human bodies come preequipped with butts for this very purpose. Consult your owners manual to determine if you are one of them. If you do not possess a butt, then strap a pillow to the back of your legs. That will work almost as well.

Second. Sit your but down in a chair. Any chair will do, but perhaps your butt has a special chair that it likes to sit in. This is fine provided the relationship does not go too far. My butt has become particularly friendly with a big red recliner that used to belong to my father.

Third. You write. I’m not sure what you write on since neither of the previous two steps said anything about getting any writing materials. Maybe you’re supposed to scratch the words into your skin with your fingernails. Personally I use a computer type device designed to sit on top of my lap. If you do not have a lap you may have to sit at a table or something.

So that’s the process. Basically it’s saying forget about inspiration and dive into your work. Those words ain’t gonna write themselves. I mean they might but that last time that happened…well I think it’s best not to talk about that.

COMPLETELY RANDOM PICTURE!!!

COMPLETELY RANDOM PICTURE!!!

But you know what? Sometimes I kinda hate this process. I’m not talking about the persevering even though you don’t feel like writing part. I’m talking about the sitting down part.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can only take so many sedentary hours before I start to come down with the dreaded disease I like to call the Sittin’ Around Blues. The Sittin’ Around Blues start in your lower back and move up your spine toward your head. Once they reach the head you’ll start to feel morose and lackadaisical. And if you let them go on for long enough, depression sets in.

So what do you do?

Well when I start to feel the Sittin’ Around Blues creep up on me I get up and take a health dose of Doing Something Else for a Change. Doing Something Else for a Change comes in a variety of handy shapes and sizes. There’s the Get Up and Clean the House for an Hour pill, and the Take the Dog for a Walk lozenge, as well as the Go Outside and Pull Some Weeds in the Garden suppository.

“But Albert,” you say, “what if Doing Something Else for a Change causes my ideas to evaporate into the aether?”

Never fret dear reader, for the side effects for Doing Something Else for a Change, include increased creativity, greater energy and enhanced inspiration, so that when you come back to your story it will seem new and interesting again.

But don’t take my work for it. If the Butt in Chair method is giving you the Sittin’ Around Blues, then try Doing Something Else for a Change and see if it doesn’t work for you.

[This blog post sponsored by Action Corp. the makers of Do Something Else for a Change as well as many other fine products. Do Something Else for a Change is sold in fine stores everywhere. Also crappy stores in some places. They’re really not that selective about who sells it.]

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A Prairie Home Apocalypse or What the Dog saw is still on sale for Kindle and is available for other devices from Smashwords (I suppose I should specify that it is available for other ereader devices. It is not yet available for your vaccuum. We’re still working on the formatting there.) And for those of you Nook people out there who have been hounding me about this, I swear its coming soon. Also the book has gotten some lovely reviews over at Amazon, and I want to thank those of you who took the time out of your day to say nice things about the book. You all mean the world to me.

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10 responses to “π out of e Doctors Agree

  1. Okay, this cracked me up. It was just what the doctor ordered this morning. Thank you 🙂

  2. I thought *I* was the only one who ever got the Sittin’ Around Blues….Thanks for this. Great post. I’ve taken a couple of months off from writing due to personal chaos, and I’m gearing up to get back into it, so I needed to hear this!

    On a side note, I just bought A Prairie Home Apocalypse, and I’m looking forward to reading it.

  3. So funny and so true! My big struggle is sort of the opposite, balancing my butt in the chair time with everything else time. I never get enough butt in the chair time. My life demands too much Doing Something Else. It’s not a unique problem, I realize. As someone new to writing/blogging, I’m still trying to figure it out though.

  4. Very clever Albert, and the Doing Something Else for a Change does help us to clear our minds and eventually return to the job at hand with fresh perspective.

  5. I do suffer from the Sitting Around Blues! But I’m concerned – are there any side-effects to Doing Something Else for a Change that I need to know about? Maybe I should ask my doctor. Or is there a number I can call for a free pamphlet and DVD?

    Or maybe I should just get out of this chair.

  6. Apparently a side effect of the Sitting Around Blues is weight gain and heart problems. Some companies have re-equipped their offices so their employees stand all day. Sitting is bad for your health. What I’ve read recommended is to get up once or twice every hour and walk to the water cooler or go visit a co-worker in the next cubicle. They have other advice, but none of that helps those that write sans cubicles and co-workers.

    Dogs are a great way to get one off one’s behind. If it weren’t for my dog I would get no exercise at all. With him I’m walking twice a day and out playing with him 3-4 times a day. It doesn’t help me get any writing done, but it’s fun! 🙂

  7. This made me laugh. You are clever.

  8. Funny and true. Just what the doctor ordered.

  9. If I’m in my chair long enough to get Dead Butt (a viral version of Sittin’ Around Blues), it means I’ve put in a good chunk of time writing. Yipee! I’m happy to drag my paralyzed posterior out onto the sidewalk for a dose of Make All the Neighbor Dogs Yap (having cats, this is what we do).

  10. Oh! I love the Do Something Else For A Change medication line up! I just took Burn Down The Whole Town yesterday. Unfortunately, the store that I bought them from also went with it, so no more pills for me. However, I do get a new view for new inspirations!

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