I’ve always been fascinated by the Little Drummer Boy song. And by fascinated, I of course mean annoyed.
But more than anything I’ve always wondered where it came from. When I was a little kid I always thought that maybe it was some non-canon addition to the Christmas story based, on…I don’t know, early church fan-fiction or something. But I never heard anything to back that up. It’s a question that’s bothered me for years. And then, a few days ago, I remembered that I have access to this amazing thing with tons of information called the “internet.” Perhaps you’ve heard of it.
So I went and looked it up, and the song was written in the fifties by some lady whose name I’m too lazy to look up a second time. But the thing that really got to me is that the song isn’t based on anything. It’s just something the author pulled out of thin air because it sounded good. Which is incredibly ludicrous if you really think about it. I mean someone actually took a look at the Christmas story and said: “Yeah, okay, so we’ve got the birth of God Himself in a stable, dignitaries from coming across a continent following a supernatural star, and an army of angels singing to shepherds in the desert. I guess that’s all well and good, but you know what this story really needs? An amateur drum solo.”
Seriously? The original Christmas story wasn’t good enough for you, so you had to shoehorn in an annoying kid playing his drum while the ox and lamb do the conga? What is wrong with you?