I do not look at magazines very often, but I see magazines almost every day, and recently I’ve noticed a trend that is both fascinating and disturbing: The Kardashian sisters are everywhere. It would be perfectly understandable if they were to pop up every now and then; they are after all beautiful celebutants with a bit of a slutty edge, so naturally they’re going to get some face-time, but every single week? I’m not kidding either: I have started paying closer attention, since I first noticed this trend and in each and every new magazine cycle at least one of these women is on the cover of some magazine at my supermarket.
The length of time that this has gone on has slowly become a thing of strange wonder to me. After all, Heidi Klum and her horrifyingly awesome set of fake boobs was only able to stay in to loop for a couple of months. But these women, these women, with nothing more than their personal issues and their hot-if-you’re-into-the-slutty-thing looks have been able to ride the wave of their celebrity so effectively that they have managed to overshadow every one of their fellow celebuskanks in terms of gossip column face-time.
This cannot be a mistake; it must be the result of some evil genius plan. And although I cannot begin to grasp at the particulars of this dark plan, I must nevertheless profess that I salute you, Kardashian sisters. I have no idea what you’re supposed to be famous for, but I’ve never seen anyone who is better at it than you are.