The Opening Line Poll UPDATE

So the votes are cast and the winning sentence by a large margin is: “Frankly, if I’d known Frog was going get his thumb bitten off by the deputy mayor I probably would have passed on that second helping of potato logs.” Thanks so much to everyone who came by and shared their thoughts.

Now, I have bad news and I have good news. I always like to get the bad news out of the way first, so here goes: my sentence didn’t win the contest. Super bummer, I know. But in spite of that I’m not ashamed of my attempt. It had a lot going for it, and it suggested a story that I for one would really like to read.

Which brings me to the good news. You voted, and I promised you a story, and I’m pleased to announce that “Frog Got Bit” (probably not the story’s actual title) is being written now.

When will you be able to read it? Well, here’s the thing. The story I’m working up for “Frog Got Bit” is going to be a bit on the longish side, so if I waited until it was finished to release it, ya’ll would be waiting for a few months at least. BUT. For a while now I’ve had an itch in my britches (eww, not like that) to do a serial story, posting a new chapter every week or so. I’ve held off until now because the conventional wisdom says it won’t work from an SEO standpoint, but to be honest I’ve kind of gotten past the point of caring if this blog has a bazillion readers or not.

It’ll probably be another week or so before the first chapter goes up, but be assured I am working diligently on getting this thing ready. And, I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I think you’re gonna love it.

(I tell a lie. I do want to sound arrogant. I don’t actually have that much self-confidence, so I’m trying a “Fake it till you make it” approach. Please don’t hate me.)

“The Opening Line” Poll

Okay here’s the deal; I need your help. No, wait, I’m not going to ask for your money or anything like that, I just need to pick your brains for a second. Actually on second thought picking someone’s brain sounds like a completely horrifying act. Do not fear: NO PICKS WILL BE INVOLVED.

What I need is an opinion. I’m entering into a contest in which the challenge is to create a single sentence, a first sentence, which will grab the readers attention, and make them beg for more. The only problem is that being an occasional overachiever I’ve cranked out four of these suckers. Four sentences.

And I can only enter one.

That’s where you come in. Click your favourite in the poll below (yes I spell favourite with a “u”, deal with it.) Whatever one you pick will be the one I enter. I’ve got until Friday morning to decide so time is of the essence.

Choose!

This isn’t going to make a lot of sense, but there’s a lot you’ve forgotten, and there’s no time to explain, because now, right now they’re coming for you, for me, for us, and if you don’t start running you won’t be alive long enough to figure out why.

Frankly, if I’d known Frog was going get his thumb bitten off by the deputy mayor I probably would have passed on that second helping of potato logs.

A few centuries after we hacked the Riparian cultural memeset, Karl said he was getting out of the god-making business for good this time, but none of us believed him on account of how Karl said that kind of thing at least once every couple millennia.

You’re puking into a canceled wormhole when an epistle sizzles down the Trunk, <Ding dong, good buddy, the witch is dead,> and with a squeal of rusty cognitive gears sobriety kicks in and you know you’re going to need an alibi.

Oh, and one more thing. Whichever sentence wins, I’ll finish writing that story and post it here within um…eventually. If nobody votes, then  no story. Also, I’ll curl up in my shower and cry because nobody loves me. So there’s that.

UPDATE: I wanted to make voting on this thing as easy as possible, but I couldn’t get the poll thing with the fancy buttons to work so if you could leave your choice in the comments I would appreciate it. Apologies for the inconvenience.

UPDATE THE SECOND: The poll is now closed. The winner is, by a long shot, “Frog Got Bit”. I’ll be making a new post with the status of this story shortly. Stay tuned!